Strings
by Liv-x-Case-Benson
Summary: Co-writer: dcmasters - Olivia Benson was never one for relationships, but that was before Casey Novak was in her bed. A few days later, these words mean everything: "You can be as rough as you like if it saves my life."
1. Can't be Casual

Strings

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 1: Can't be Casual**

Casey and Olivia had been best friends for years, ever since Casey had joined as the units ADA. Ok, they got off to a bad start, but since then their friendship had grown and blossomed in many ways.

It was late one Friday night when the pair found themselves in their usual haunt, drinking a little more than they should. The next thing Casey knew Olivia had slammed her against her bedroom wall as they couple kissed passionately, both of their hands searching the others body in an attempt to heighten their pleasure.

Olivia kissed her hard on the lips, popping the buttons off Casey's blouse.

Casey returned the kiss, as she finally managed to undo the button on Olivia's jeans, unzipping them and allowing them to fall to the floor before pulling off Olivia's top. She shivered when her fingers ran along Olivia's abs.

Olivia threw Casey's shirt to the floor, sucking on her neck, moaning.

A loud moan escaped her lips at the contact, hands ridding Olivia of her bra as she squeezed her breasts.

Olivia moaned loudly into her mouth, ridding Casey of her bra and pressing her into the wall. Roughly, Olivia sucked on the redhead's breasts, nipping and biting.

"Oh god, Olivia..." she moaned loudly, "I need you."

Olivia rid Casey of her skirt and panties quickly, rubbing her clit hard. "Mmm, does it feel good?"

"God, yes!" Casey gave a deep moan pulling Olivia's towards the bed.

Olivia threw her onto the bed, shedding her boxers as she climbed on top of Casey, kissing her roughly, nipping at her bottom lip.

Casey brought her knee up between Olivia's legs, pressing it against her as she continued to moan.

Olivia moaned. "Mmm, want me to fuck you again and again and again? To make you come?"

"Yes. God, yes! Fuck me, Olivia."

Olivia moved down her body, thrusting three fingers into her. "Oh...God! So tight," she moaned.

Casey's whole body shuddered, giving a throaty moan, feeling Olivia inside her. She wouldn't lie, it had been a long time and Olivia felt so good.

Olivia bent down, licking Casey's clit.

Casey felt like a bolt of electricity had coursed through her body. "Olivia..." she moaned loudly, knowing it wouldn't take much.

The detective bit into the ADA's clit, thrusting quickly, moaning. "Casey!"

"OH... OLIVIA..."

Olivia curled her fingers.

That was it. All she needed to send her into a deep reverie as she screamed the detective's name.

Olivia pulled her fingers out, sucking them clean seductively, as she went down, sliding her tongue inside.

Casey gave a long, deep moan, her fingers tangling in Olivia's hair.

Olivia moaned into her.

Casey was sent into another hard orgasm, screaming louder than she had before.

Olivia moved up onto Casey's thigh, leaving a wet spot from her arousal as she began to grind.

Casey pulled Olivia into a hard kiss, her fingers squeezing Olivia's nipples simultaneously.

Olivia moaned. "Mmm, fuck me hard!"

Casey smirked, flipping the pair over, kissing a trail down Olivia's body as she thrust her fingers inside the detective moving them roughly.

Olivia's legs wrapped around Casey as she rode her fingers hard.

Casey sucked and nipped at Olivia's clit.

"C-Casey!" she gasped.

"Mmm Olivia," she moaned against the sensitive spot before continuing, her fingers curling.

Olivia writhed on the bed, pulling Casey's hair roughly.

Casey smirked, blowing gently as her fingers curled deeper.

The detective groaned as her hips began to buck hard.

Casey repeated the action over and over, biting hard.

Olivia moaned. "Fuck! YESSSSS! Fuck, fuuuuuuuuuuck!" she creamed, coming hard.

Casey smirked, cleaning her up, then snaked up her body as she watched Olivia trying to catch her breath. She placed a kiss to Olivia's cheek and smiled. "You ok?"

Olivia nodded.

Casey smiled, pulling the covers up around them as she snuggled into Olivia's side.

Olivia sighed, holding her close as she fell asleep.

* * *

When Casey woke the following morning to an empty bed. She sat up, confused. "Olivia?" she called but received no answer.

The detective had left before the sun had even lit up the sky. Part of her felt bad, but she didn't understand why. They'd both been incredibly drunk and, as far as the detective was concerned, it was only a casual fling. Maybe she felt bad because they'd both been drunk.

It seemed to continue this way for a long time. They'd get drunk, sleep together and Olivia would always leave, even when Casey begged her to stay. But when they began sleeping together sober and Olivia still left, Casey wasn't sure what to do.

She loved Olivia, even if Olivia didn't feel the same and she'd much rather Olivia was in her bed than anyone else's, so she decided to go along with it, even though she constantly worried.

* * *

The worry had begun to show in her work a few months later, and when Branch called her in to give her a talking to about her work, warning her not to mess up again, she had to make a decision about Olivia, for herself if no one else. Instead of meeting Olivia like she'd promised, the ADA sent her a text. 'Can't do tonight. Sorry.'

'It's all right. Another time maybe,' Olivia replied.

'There's not going to be another time.' she bravely replied.

'I'm sorry? I-I thought we were having a good time.'

Casey didn't bother entertaining Olivia with a reply, and avoided her for the rest of the week, but when Cragen had called her into the precinct to discuss a case, the young attorney looked completely exhausted.

Olivia offered her a coffee. "You look like hell."

"Trust me, I feel a lot worse than I look," she said, pushing the coffee away as Cragen called her in. Not emerging for another half an hour.

Olivia sat at her desk, writing up her papers as Casey passed her, she grabbed her wrist. "Look, Novak, I just wanted t apologize if I did anything wrong."

Casey shook her head. "I'm just mad at myself because I fell for you," she offered by way of explanation before leaving.

Olivia quickly followed her into the elevator. "Casey, please just hear me out?"

"Like I have choice now the doors have closed."

She sighed. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. It's just...I've never had time for relationships, so casual is all I ever have time for, but if it's any consolation, I've never had been "casual" with someone as much as you."

Casey looked up at her, offering a small smile. "I'm sorry, I've really got to go. Somewhere I need to be. Can you let everyone know I won't be at Friday drinks tonight?"

Olivia nodded. "And I really am sorry, but if you can ever handle that again, I can pretty much guarantee I'll be available."

Casey looked mildly offended. "I won't be. You might be great in bed, Liv, but I need more from you than you can clearly give," she said, leaving the elevator.

Olivia followed her, grabbing her wrist. "I'm sorry. And this isn't to get you into bed. I-I really am sorry."

For the first time, the ADA seemed to display some form of emotion that wasn't blunt or harsh as tears formed in her eyes, causing her to look away. "I haven't got time. I'm sorry."

Olivia nodded. "Sorry."

Casey nodded before disappearing into the crowds.

"Is she ok?" Elliot asked, now standing behind Olivia.

Olivia shook her head. "No, and it's all my fault."

"What, so you made her look tired and pale and emotional?"

Olivia nodded. "Partly anyway."

"What did you do?"

Olivia sighed, showing the dark mark on her neck covered by her shirt

"Please tell me you didn't sleep with her and leave? Because it's Novak, and you know how much she cares for you."

Olivia sighed. "...Yeah, but I don't see that or how or why... I-I just..relationships aren't things I have time for. Though she's been the most times."

"Don't try and pull that one. I've got a wife and kids and I still manage it."

"But that's you, Elliot! I-I've...this job is my life, not relationships, not being happy with somebody. I'm happy to put the bastards away," she sighed again. "Even..even if I did feel like that, I don't think it's fixable..."

"You don't know until you try..." he simply said. "And don't be late for court this afternoon."

"What time?"

"Four Novak said."

Olivia nodded. "Cover me. I'm going to try to fix this mess I've gotten myself into."

Elliot nodded, disappearing into the precinct.


	2. Weak

Strings

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 2: Weak**

Olivia walked out and before she knew it she was standing outside of Casey's office door. Taking a deep breath, she knocked.

Casey gave a soft sigh as she sat up from where she'd lay on the couch in the corner of her office. "Yes?" she offered quietly.

Olivia opened the door, slipping in and leaning against the wall, before closing it. She held up her hands. "Don't kick me out! Just...please?" she sighed. "Casey, I'm sorry for what I said, but you have to know where I'm coming from. My job, the squad...it's all I've ever known. I don't know how to keep relationships or start, for that matter. The one thing I do know is... for some reason, you're not like everybody else. Before you, I could move on. But you...you're just..there's something that has me hooked. It's why I can't let you go. But what you said about needing more..it hit something. I know you need more. I need more too. Can we try again, maybe start over and this time I intend for there to be an "us" not just a night. I'm sorry I said that, but, until you, that's how I've lived."

Casey sighed wearily before nodding. "One condition..."

"Which is?"

"I won't have sex with you until I'm sure there is an us. I won't put myself through that again."

Olivia nodded. "I understand and completely agree. I think I have a couple Aspirin if you have a headache..."

"I'm fine. Just tired."

"Anything I can do?" Olivia asked.

"A hug?"

The detective nodded, sitting on the couch beside her and hugging her tightly. "I promise to do better."

The ADA's thinner body stayed close to Olivia, and it was not apparently her clothes seemed looser than normal.

"Casey, are you hungry?"

"Not really, why?"

Olivia shrugged. "Just asking."

They stayed on her couch for a while before Casey attempted to move. "I need to get ready for court."

Olivia helped her stand. "I'll see you there."

Casey nodded, reaching out to touch Olivia's face gently before retrieving the files from her desk.

Olivia smiled, caressing her cheek. "Later, Novak," she said with a smile, leaving her office.

* * *

Casey smiled happily as she entered the courtroom that afternoon, or though still looked tired. "The People call..." Casey frowned, checking her list, "Detective Olivia Benson."

Olivia took the stand.

Casey paused as she went to ask her first question, blinking in an attempted to clear her blurry vision. "Detective, w-what..." was all she managed before her body hit the floor.

Olivia stood, rushing over. "Casey!" She looked up to the judge. "Request a continuance until she's deemed fit to continue, Your Honor?"

The judge nodded, standing to look down at Casey. "Granted," she replied, hitting her gavel as Casey slipping in and out of consciousness, mumbling.

Olivia motioned to Elliot. "Help me out?"

"You don't think she needs a bus?" Elliot asked, picking Casey up.

Olivia nodded. "Oh yeah. Sorry. Shock," she said, calling for a bus.

The EMT's rushed into the room minutes later and Elliot placed her weak body onto the stretcher as they started to check her over, placing an IV in her arm.

Olivia followed suit. "I'll go. Tell Cragen I'll fill him in."

Elliot nodded, a worried expression on his face as they took Casey away.

Olivia walked with them. "Can I ride?"

"Yes, if you get in quick. We need to get her to the hospital."

The detective nodded, jumping in quickly before they drove away.

"I'm sorry, we're going to have to ask you to wait here," the nurse said, stopping Olivia from accessing Casey's room.

Olivia nodded. "Please let me know."

"You can watch, but don't come in," the nurse replied with a nod.

Olivia stood, watching through the window, hoping Casey would be ok.

* * *

**Reviews: tummer22 & Butterfly2202**


	3. Condition

Strings

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 3: Condition**

They worked on her for a long time, doing various tests and hooking up another IV before someone finally left the room.

"Yes?" Olivia asked.

"Miss Novak has an infection. I really can't say much more unless you're family..."

"Um...I'm not. I don't know any phone numbers," the detective said.

"Do you know if she's seeing anyone nearby? Someone should really sit with her."

Olivia nodded. "I'll sit with her. We've...become very close."

"We're doing everything we can to make her comfortable," he said, touching Olivia's shoulder as a nurse requested his presence at the desk.

Olivia sat beside her, pulling out her cell phone to call Donnelly. She figured she would be the one who might know of Casey's family.

"Donnelly," she said, answering her phone quickly.

"Hi, it's Detective Benson. Casey collapsed during court and is in the hospital with some type of infection. Do you know of any family listed?"

"Is this because of the..." she stopped herself. "I know her brother."

"Is he nearby? No one will give me information because I'm not family."

"No, he's working away last I heard. Have you checked if they have a next of kin down for her?"

"No. I don't think they'll tell me either...unless there's some string you could pull."

"I've got to be in court. Tell them you're a police officer and you want to tell her next of kin personally. If that doesn't work I'll pop down as soon as I'm finished in court."

"Ok, thank you," Olivia said, closing her phone as the doctor appeared. "Excuse me?"

"Can I help you?"

"I'm Detective Olivia Benson and I would like to tell her next of kin personally, but I don't know who they are. I was wondering if you could help."

He nodded, checking the notes. "Have you got ID?"

Olivia nodded, showing her ID and badge.

"Seems she listed you at her appointment a few weeks ago."

Olivia was more than a little shocked. "Then will you please tell me what's going on?"

"Miss Novak has an infection secondary to her immunosuppressant following her latest round of chemotherapy."

The last word hit Olivia like a ton of bricks. "Ch—Chemotherapy? M-may I ask why?"

"Casey has breast cancer."

Olivia almost collapsed, but instead she managed to whisper, "What stage?"

"2B. She has a 3cm lump in her left breast and it's spread to the lymph nodes in her left armpit."

"What _exactly_ does that mean? Is she going to be ok?"

"At the moment, the infection is the biggest challenge for her. If she makes it through that, she'll continue with chemotherapy which should shrink the lymph nodes in her armpit, and the residual cancer left in her breast following the surgery she had last week."

Olivia nodded. "So her chances are relatively good if she can combat the infection?"

"Yes. It should put her into remission."

"Is there anything I can do to improve her chance of beating the infection?"

"She'll be pretty out of it whilst her body tries to fight it. Just sit with her, hold her hand, talk to her."

Olivia nodded. "Okay," she said, sitting beside her and holding her hand. "I-I'm sorry, it's just a lot to take in..."

"It's perfectly normal. Is there anyone I can call for you? Or, considering the circumstances, you're more than welcome to use your phone to call anyone you need."

Olivia nodded. "Ummm, you could call my partner for me, I guess. Detective Stabler?"

"Sure," he smiled, disappearing when she'd given him the number.

Olivia sighed, kissing Casey's hand. "I'm sorry, Casey. I'm sorry that I never stayed. I'm sorry that we've never talked about anything, especially this. I promise I'm going to help you."

Casey gave Olivia's hand the lightest squeeze.

Olivia smiled. "It's going to be ok, I promise. I'm not going let you be alone anymore without the support."

Casey gave a soft sigh, Elliot knocking on the door twenty minutes later. "How is she? The doctor phoned to ask me to come in."

Olivia gestured for him to come in, looking over, eyes red, tears streaming. "She's really sick, El..."

"She'll be ok in a few days, you'll see. Casey's a fighter," he smiled, pulling Olivia into a hug.

Olivia smiled, hugging him tight. "They didn't tell you what's going on?"

"No, just that you might need a shoulder."

Olivia nodded, leaning heavily against him. "Sh-she's um...she...she has breast cancer..."

"Wh..." was all he managed, hugging her tightly as he tried to digest the situation.

Olivia nodded, hugging him tightly with one arm. "The doctor said this infection is her biggest problem. If the infection goes, it should go into remission, but she's so sick I...I just..."

"This isn't your fault, Olivia, and we will help her through this."

"Yeah, it's just a lot to take in at once."

"I know. I'll speak to Cragen and Branch. Get Casey time off and some for you too."

Olivia nodded. "I think Donnelly knows, so Branch may already know, but yeah," she said, hugging him again.

"Back soon," he smiled, leaving the room.

"Liv..." Casey managed, in barely a whisper.

Olivia leaned over the bed, kissing her hand. "Casey, I'm here," she said, holding her hand tightly.

"S... sorry..."

Olivia shook her head, stroking her cheek. "No," she whispered, "it's ok. I-it's... You're going to be ok. Just rest. I'll stay with you, ok? Just sleep."

Casey gave a soft sigh as Elliot returned. "Branch didn't know either."

Olivia looked over. "I can't say I'm surprised. It is a sensitive matter."

"He said she can take as much time as she needs. Cragen said you can take a few weeks. We'll only call in an emergency."

Olivia nodded. "So I'm guessing hardly anyone knew. Though it's not the type of thing you chat about over coffee."

"But no one? You'd tell one person wouldn't you? Though you might be right about Donnelly. Has she had any operations yet?"

Olivia nodded. "The doctor said she had one last week and she doesn't have any family close by, so she put me as...next of kin. And there I was. Always up and leaving, even when she begged. What kind of person does that? Though I wasn't aware of this. But, you know, maybe when she's with me she's able to forget about being sick. But now..I just..I feel bad for that."

"Should she even have been back at work that close post op? You didn't know because she chose not to tell you. Maybe she didn't want to make you feel guilty, or feel like you had to stay because she was sick. Did you notice she was more tired recently? "

The brunette detective shook her head. "Though, today, when I went to apologize, she was lying on her couch in her office. I offered her some Aspirin, but she said she was only tired. A few minutes later, she asked me to hug her, so I did. She felt...thinner, like she hadn't been eating, so I asked if she was hungry, but she said no."

"She probably was tired from the chemo and that could be making her be sick, which would be why she was losing weight. And if the chemo is making her nauseous she probably doesn't want to eat. Can I ask a personal question?"

Olivia turned to him. "What?"

"When you two were... did you not notice? That she was thinner? And surely they must have done a biopsy. Did you not notice any marks or dressings?"

Olivia thought a minute. "Yeah, she was thinner, but...she said it was the flu and the mark...I think she said something about falling in her kitchen. When I tried to touch it, she batted me away. But...that's what I remember sober."

"Well, she obviously thought about telling you, or wanting you to know. She wouldn't have put you as next of kin otherwise," he replied, as Casey mumbled something.

Olivia nodded, paying little attention to his words as she heard Casey. Leaning closer, she asked, "What is it? Do you need something, Casey?"

"I-I... lo..."

Olivia was stunned, to say the least. She had an idea of what Casey was saying. "It's ok," she whispered, squeezing her hand very gently, "if you can say it now, just go slow. No one else has my attention," she said, leaning in closer.

Casey swallowed, her mouth opened and closed a few more times. "I... love... y-you," she managed.

Olivia smiled, barely putting any pressure as she kissed her cheek, tears starting. "Casey...I...how can you after how I've treated you?" she whispered.

As Olivia finished her sentence, the machine gave a long, loud beep as she flat lined.

Olivia held her hand tightly. "Casey!"

Elliot pulled her from the room, practically throwing her over his shoulder, as a team rushed in. Once she was sat on the ground, Olivia threw her arms around him, crying heavily into his shirt.

"Shh, she'll be ok," Elliot said, holding her close as Judge Donnelly arrived, "What's happened?"

Olivia just shook her head, unable to speak.

Elliot sighed. "Casey just flat lined. The team is in there now."

"What? I knew I should have gone with her to chemo yesterday."

Olivia pulled back, wiping her eyes. "Y-you? So...you knew?" she asked, leaning on Elliot heavily.

Liz nodded. "Only a few days ago. She needed me to change a court date because of the treatment."

Olivia nodded. "That makes sense. She had surgery a week ago and she put me as next of kin."

"Surgery?! If I'd have known that, I'd have ordered her off," she replied as a doctor emerged.

Olivia turned. "How is she?"

"Weak, but alive. We're just running some tests."

"How long has she been sick?"

"Three months. She wanted to see if the lump would reduce with chemo first to try and avoid mastectomy."

"But from the surgery last week, I take that it didn't?" Olivia asked.

"We did a full mastectomy and reconstructive surgery at the same time. We advised at least a month off work to reduce infection and she was given very strong painkillers."

Olivia sighed. "Head strong and resilient Casey must have insisted otherwise. What's her condition now?"

"Critical. She really should have been resting and staying away from as many people as possible to reduce infection risk."

"Can I go back in?"

"One at a time."

Olivia nodded, walking in holding her hand. "Casey," she whispered by her ear. "I just want to say that...I love you too," she said, choking back tears.

One of Casey's fingers moved, but she didn't respond any other way. "I can get you a blanket if you want to stay the night..."

Olivia tuned. "Yes, please," she said, wiping her eyes.

"You know they say talking helps," the nurse said when she returned with a blanket.

Olivia nodded, thanking her for the blanket. "I wish you would've told me, could've told me, sooner, Casey. I would've been here with you. Holding your hand for support, taking in the news of everything with you. Crying if needed. Nobody should have to go through this alone."

* * *

**Reviews: tummer22 & TKR.87**


	4. Loving the Scars

Strings

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 4: Loving the Scars**

Casey didn't respond any further. Her temperature spiked a few hours later, her breath raspy, slowly returning to normal by morning, her freezing hands now having slight warmth.

Olivia sat in the chair beside her, holding her hand tightly in her sleep, not noticing the change in Casey's body temperature.

Casey's eyes flickered open a short while later, squinting as they adjusted to the light, trying to figure out her surroundings.

Olivia remained asleep, exhausted from being awake most of the night.

When Casey's eyes settled on Olivia she smiled. Never having seen her asleep before, she watched for as long as she could before she couldn't hold in her cough any longer.

Olivia instantly shot awake, holding her hand. "Casey," she said sitting up.

"Hi," she said weakly, trying to catch her breath from coughing.

Olivia smiled. "Hi," Olivia said, offering her the glass of water with a straw.

Casey took a few small sips. "Thanks. What happened? It's feels like an elephant sat on my chest. "

"You passed out in court...and then you flat lined yesterday...And..."

"What?" Casey asked in disbelief until Olivia nodded, "And?"

Olivia bit her lip. "Why didn't you tell me you were sick? I would've helped you. Taken care of you."

"I didn't want anyone's sympathy, not even yours. And... it sounds stupid, but I didn't want you to feel you had to help or stay with or be around because you felt sorry for me. I wanted you to be there because you wanted me."

Olivia nodded, holding her hand tightly. "I understand, but I've sat here with you because I wanted to. Nobody should face this alone. I'm sorry for everything. Will you let me help you?"

Casey nodded. "I'm so tired, Liv."

Olivia caressed her cheek, kissing it gently. "Then sleep. You need sleep so you can get stronger to beat this infection."

Casey carefully and slowly shuffled back against the rail that was up on the other side of the bed, rolling onto her side, wanting Olivia to join her.

"Um, Casey, I know what you want. I want to lay with you too, but..."

"But, what?" she frowned.

Olivia shook her head, climbing over the rail, lying on her side. "I was going to say I don't want to make you sicker," she said, caressing her cheek. "Come here," she said with a smile, "carefully."

Casey smiled, slowly moving into Olivia's arms, resting her head on her shoulder, sighing softly.

"Casey?"

"Yeah?"

"When did you notice you were sick?"

"Do you remember that night things got a bit rougher than normal? You bit me really hard?"

Olivia nodded. "Yes."

"It was really painful the following morning once the alcohol wore off, so I was rubbing it to try and soothe the area when I noticed it. I guess, in a way, you saved my life. I never would have checked them otherwise. I'm far too busy."

Olivia smiled. "That's a great thing. Sorry I was so hard on you though."

"You can be as rough as you like if it saves my life," Casey said softly with a yawn.

Olivia caressed her cheek. "Casey...I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered, falling asleep.

Olivia held her gently, rubbing her back.

There was a soft knock on the door a few minutes later.

Olivia looked over her shoulder.

"How is she?" Liz asked, standing in the doorway with Elliot.

Olivia gestured for them to come closer. "Weak, tired, but she was awake for a bit."

"That's great," Liz smiled. "We've been here all night. Wanted to make sure she was more stable before we went to work."

Olivia nodded. "Speaking of that, would one of you grab a doctor or a nurse? Her vitals should be checked now that she was awake."

Elliot nodded, leaving the room.

"I'm sorry I didn't do more," Liz said softly.

Olivia managed to turn onto her back, laying Casey on hers as well, her head on her shoulder. "What more could you have done? She never wants people to fuss over her or take pity on her. That's why she didn't tell me. I'm sure you were just what she needed when she needed you."

Liz nodded. "She certainly loves you. Not that I'll tell anyone that if they ask."

Olivia smiled. "You knew before I did. But, yes she does, though, sometimes, I don't know why. Especially with how we..."

"I know. She told me about how she felt about you a while ago."

Olivia nodded. "Yes, but, well, the "relationship" has barely begun in a way. And I'm not proud of that either. Though I've already said too much."

"My lips are sealed," she smiled as a nurse walked in to take Casey's vitals, making her stir. "Liv...?"

Olivia nodded in thanks. "I'm right here, Case. I figured you needed your vitals checked after waking up. I'll move to the chair, but I'll still be right here," she said, holding her hand.

"No, stay..." she said, opening her eyes when she felt more of a presence in the room, turning her head towards the door."Hey..."

"I'm right here," Olivia said. "I'm not leaving you."

"What are you two doing here?"

"They've been out waiting all night," Olivia explained. "They wanted to make sure you were stable before they went to work."

"I'm fine, just tired."

"Casey, you are not fine. You collapsed in court, you have a serious infection and you flat lined. I know you feel ok now, but you need to rest."

Casey sighed. "I wish this stupid thing would just go away!"

Olivia nodded. "I understand. But you need to stay here to try to get better."

Elliot and Liz had snuck out of the room a long time ago, thinking if they left her with just Olivia, she'd calm down. Casey closed her eyes again with a sigh as she fell asleep in Olivia's arms.

* * *

A week later, Olivia woke up in Casey's bed beside her. She was happy Casey was feeling better enough to come home a few days later after she collapsed in court. It was a lot to take in at once when she'd been told Casey had breast cancer. But Olivia would help her as much as she wanted.

Casey, not used to having anyone around, let alone help her with everyday things, often insisted she was fine, only to find she felt exhausted a few minutes later and needed to ask Olivia for help with things.

Now was one of those times. She'd been trying to put her robe on for the past five minutes, but her shoulder was still stiff from her operation so moving it around was hard. Casey gave a frustrated sigh. "Liv..." she called.

Olivia walked into the room, smiling. "You called?"

"My bloody arm won't move around enough to put this on. Can you help?"

Olivia nodded, taking the robe. "Extend or bend your arm, whichever is more comfortable."

Casey nodded, moving it as best she could, finally pulling it around herself tightly when Olivia put it on. "Thanks."

Olivia walked around tying it securely, kissing her cheek. "Where do you want to go?" she asked, offering her hand.

"I want to sit on the couch like a normal person."

Olivia held her gently. "You are a normal person, Casey. Your body's recovering well from infection and once they're certain it's gone, you can start fighting it again, ok? I think you're the strongest person I know," she said, holding her close.

Casey stayed close to Olivia, giving a small nod. When they moved enough so Casey made it to the couch, she felt exhausted from the short journey, pulling Olivia closer to her. "I don't want you to feel you have to be here if you don't want to be."

Olivia held her close. "I want to be here because I love you. I love helping you."

"I hate this so much," Casey replied softly, tears falling down her cheeks. It was the first time she'd managed to cry since she was diagnosed.

Olivia nodded, holding her tightly. "I know. I hate it too," she agreed. "But you're so strong, Case. You're smart. You're beautiful. You're amazing. And I'm sorry I wasn't her for you before now," she choked, leaning into her. "But I'm going to be. I promise. Casey, I love you so, so much!"

They sat there for a long time in each other's arms, crying, neither wanting to let of the other. Half an hour later, Casey had finally fallen asleep in Olivia's arms, exhausting herself with her tears.

Olivia pulled the warm blanket over the back of the couch over them, lying down and still holding Casey tightly, kissing her cheek, rubbing her back. "Just sleep," she whispered.

Casey stirred at the adjusted position, quickly settling again. They spent many days like this over the next few weeks, Casey all of a sudden getting exhausted and falling asleep.

* * *

It was late one morning and Casey woke slowly, smiling over at Olivia, nuzzling her neck.

Olivia stirred. "Mmm, you ok, Case?" she asked, stroking her cheek.

Casey nodded against her, placing a light kiss against her neck, holding her tightly.

Olivia smiled. "Wonder what time it is?"

"Eleven."

Olivia sighed. "Looks like we slept the morning away...again," she said with a smile. "Are you hungry?"

"That's ok because I love waking up with you. Yes. Can we go out for breakfast?"

Olivia smiled wider, hugging her tightly. "Me too. Do you feel well enough to go out?"

"As long as I wrap up warm and take it slowly."

Olivia nodded. "How about a shower first?"

"Sounds good. Can we go to that really greasy place by the precinct?"

Olivia shrugged. "Sure. And if you feel well enough, we might even be able to visit for a bit."

Casey gave the first genuine smile she'd given in weeks. "Shower when I can be bothered to move it is then."

"I can help you," Olivia said, helping her up, "come on," she said, walking slowly with her to the bathroom.

Casey stood nervously, chewing her lip as she watched Olivia. Even though they'd been home for a few weeks, she had yet to see Casey undressed.

Olivia sat Casey on the chair in the bathroom, as she closed the door, turning around. "Do you want me to help you? I'll shower with you and help you wash because I know you still have trouble moving."

I... don't know," Casey replied, looking to her breast then away.

Olivia knelt in front of her, taking her hands and kissing them. "Casey, I love you. You'll always look beautiful to me. These scars make you strong."

The ADA studied her face for a moment before finally nodding.

Olivia untied the robe, carefully, pushing it from her shoulders.

Olivia didn't flinch, visibly. as she carefully grazed the pads of her fingers over Casey's breast. It was scarred all the way around, though with reconstructive surgery, the detective wasn't surprised. She also saw the skin of Casey's stomach was patchy, obviously taken for the reconstruction.

The skin on Casey's breast wasn't bright pink, like it had just been grafted, but her body hadn't quite accepted the meld yet, it was bumpy around the edges without a nipple as of yet.

Olivia ran her fingers down Casey's stomach. It wasn't perfect, but it was Casey and she was alive. Olivia looked up into Casey's eyes, but Olivia wasn't upset or repulsed, no. She was worried. Worried because Casey had been alone in this up until now. Her hand moved back up to rub her cheek. "Casey..." she said, exhaling the breath she didn't know she'd been holding in.

"Yes?" she asked hesitantly, tears threatening.

Olivia shook her head, wiping her tears as she hugged her tightly. "I love you."

Casey sobbed quietly in her arms, all the worry about what Olivia would think of her leaving her body through her tears.

Olivia rubbed her back. "I promise."

Casey nodded, wiping her eyes. "Sorry," she whispered, "Shall we shower?"

Olivia shook her head. "It was needed. Yes we should, but first..."

"First what?"

Olivia smiled, kissing her gently, the slow fire was there, but none of that mattered.

Casey deepened the kiss slightly, touching Olivia's cheek gently.

Olivia rubbed Casey's back, moaning softly.

Casey pulled away slowly with a cheeky smile, stepping into the shower, taking Olivia's hand at the last second, pulling her under the water fully clothed.

Olivia laughed, quickly throwing her wet clothes out of the shower and onto the bathroom floor. "Which shoulder hurts?"

Casey raised the hand on her good arm to indicate her left shoulder, the skin of her armpit still tight from the surgery.

Olivia took the shower head off of the wall, switching the setting to Massage and aiming it toward the affected area. "Is this too hot or too much pressure?"

"No," Casey replied, closing her eyes attempting to relax. In truth, the attorney hadn't dared look in a mirror at her new body, so had only seen the scars at the top of her breast.

Olivia caressed the side of her face. "Please look at me sweetie."

Casey opened her eyes slowly.

Olivia smiled. "There are the green eyes I love," she said, continuing to massage the area with warm water.

Casey took Olivia's free hand in her own, smiling as she held it tightly.

"Feel any better?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Do I need to leave this here or should we continue with our shower?" Olivia asked.

"Let's shower, I'm starving."

Olivia nodded, replacing the shower head and helping Casey move toward it so her hair could be washed.

* * *

When they were finished, the couple slowly dressed and half an hour later, were seated in a booth. Casey's eyes looked around nervously. People knew now. What if someone said something?

Olivia squeezed her hand under the table, sitting beside her. "It's ok. What do you feel like eating?"

"Pancakes... and bacon..."

"Anything to drink?"

"Herbal tea."

Olivia nodded. "Two orders of pancakes and bacon, a coffee and an herbal tea," she ordered as their waitress arrived.

Casey pulled her jacket further around herself as she looked around. "Are we going to the precinct?"

Olivia nodded. "After we eat," she said, zipping up Casey's jacket.

As they ate, Casey relaxed as her head found Olivia's shoulder when they'd finished.

Olivia smiled. "Feeling better?"

Casey nodded, with a smile. "Though I could do with some fresh air. Shall we go over?"

Olivia nodded, getting up and paying before leaving a tip. Then, offered Casey her hand.

Casey took Olivia's hand gratefully as they made a slow walk to the precinct, her nerves returning when she reached the door.

Olivia switched hands, wrapping an arm around her, leading her into the elevator, holding her close before pressing the correct floor. "Honey, they're family. It's going to be ok."

Casey nodded as the elevator doors shut, leaning to kiss Olivia, more to reassure herself than anything else.

The detective kissed Casey, gently.

Casey pulled away as the doors pinged, then opened, exhaling loudly.

Olivia smiled, hugging her securely as they walked from the elevator. "Hey guys."

"Hi. Hey Casey!" Elliot grinned, pulling her into a hug.

"Hi," she managed with a weak smile.

Olivia smiled, bringing her chair around for Casey. She placed a hand on her arm.

"Casey," Fin asked, "how are you feeling?"

"Yeah Casey," Munch said, "how are you?"

"I'm good," she replied, braving a smile, court face now in full play. "Do you guys actually do any work when I'm not here?"

Fin shook his head. "Nope, it's just not the same."

"The others are too much of a pain," Munch replied with sarcasm.

"John!" Olivia seethed.

Munch put his hands up. "Sorry Casey."

Casey laughed for the first time since she got out of hospital.

Olivia smiled. "Cragen in his office?"

"Where else would he be?" Elliot smiled.

"Well, in this place, you never know," Olivia said, offering her hand. "Up to it?"

"I think so," Casey replied, taking Olivia's hand as she stood.

Olivia wrapped her arm around Casey, carefully walking back to the office, knocking on the door.

"Come in," he called, smiling when he saw Casey.

"Hi," she said softly.

"Hi," Olivia said, sitting Casey in a chair. "How are things going?" she asked with a smile.

"Good. Elliot is a bit like a lost puppy sometimes, not that I told you that," he smiled, proceeding to ask Casey how she was.

"Good. Just a bit tired now."

Olivia rested a hand on Casey's good shoulder. "Maybe we should head home."

"Not yet," Casey replied, as she chatted to Cragen a little longer, allowing Olivia to help her back out to sit at Olivia's desk. "Can I have some water?"

Olivia nodded, grabbing Casey a glass of water and bringing it to her, resting on the edge of her desk.

Casey thanked her, opening her bag to pull out her cocktail of pills, forgetting the others were around when she did.

Olivia helped Casey gather them up as they tried to fly everywhere. She held them in her palm, offering them to her, giving Elliot a glare that made him ignore it after he flinched in seeing how much medication Casey was taking. "Here you go."

Casey gave a small smile, having noticed the look from Elliot, her hands shaking as she took the pills. "Can we go now?"

"Do you need more water?"

"I just want to go."

Olivia nodded, helping Casey up. "Bye guys. We'll see you again soon," she said, helping to the elevator.

* * *

**Reviews: tummer22, TKR.87 & kai85**


	5. Forgetting Pain

Strings

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 5: Forgetting Pain**

Casey was quiet on the journey home and as soon as they got through the front door, Casey went through to the bedroom and shut the door.

The detective followed her, knocking on the door. "Casey, are you ok?"

"They think I'm a freak. I want to be on my own."

Olivia sighed. "Casey, no they don't! They've just never seen it before. It's ok."

Casey pulled the covers closer higher, wrapping herself more securely closing her eyes.

Olivia walked into the room, sitting on the floor beside her bed. "I still love you," she whispered.

"Maybe you shouldn't. I knew it was a bad idea, people finding out."

Olivia sat beside her on the bed. "But Casey, you're so beautiful, strong and smart. I couldn't help falling in love with you. I will never think of, or say, the word freak in regard to you. I want to help you because no one should have to go through this alone. It's hard. You need someone to be your rock. And I want to be that person, no matter what you think."

Casey nodded, unwrapping herself slightly to allow room for Olivia.

Olivia slid in beside her, holding her close, kissing her cheek.

Casey relaxed enough to fall asleep several minutes later, her mind and body exhausted from their short trip out.

Olivia wrapped Casey up, snuggling her to keep her warm.

* * *

Casey seemed to be in this depression for a few days and nothing Olivia said or did really seemed to break it.

Olivia sat Casey up in bed, holding her close. "Casey, please talk to me. What can I do to make you feel better?"

"I want to have a day where I can forget I'm ill."

Olivia nodded, hugging her close. "We can do that. Where do you want to go? What do you want to do?"

"Anywhere. Somewhere fun."

"How about a carnival? I'll win you a few prizes," the detective said.

Casey nodded, kissing Olivia's cheek. "Ok."

"When do you want to go?"

"Now?"

"Do you want to shower first?"

"No, I want to just go."

"Ok, but you'd better take your 'vitamins' before we go. Do you want me to get them for you?"

"I'll get dressed whilst you go."

Olivia nodded, kissing her softly. "If you need me, yell," she said walking out to get Casey's 'vitamins' and a glass of water.

Casey slowly undressed, catching sight of herself in the mirror for the first time and she couldn't look away. She slowly traced the scar lines, biting her lip.

Olivia walked in, setting the 'vitamins' and water on the nightstand, walking up behind Casey and wrapping her arms around her. "You're beautiful, Case. And so strong. We are going to survive this. You and me."

Casey nodded, turning in Olivia's arms. "I promise I'll beat this."

Olivia smiled, turned to the side, after shedding her own shirt. "Look, we're not that different. See?"

Casey dropped a gentle kiss to Olivia's shoulder. "I'll finish getting dressed, take those and then we can get going."

Olivia nodded, kissing her cheek, pulling her shirt back on and leaving the room.

Casey finished dressing, doing her hair before she took the pills. She decided she didn't look very human, so applied her make up before joining Olivia in the living room and leaving.

* * *

Olivia drove slowly, so as not to make Casey nauseous. Once they got there, she parked, helping Casey out. "Where to first?"

Casey inhaled the fresh air, breathing out with a smile. "Over here..." she said, leading Olivia around the park for the next few hours.

They walked along the path a while, Casey stopping to lean against Olivia before they found an uninhabited bench. "Do you want to sit?"

Casey nodded, sitting with Olivia, resting her head on her shoulder as she yawned.

Olivia smiled. "Tired, sweetie?"

"Uh huh," she said softly, practically asleep on Olivia's shoulder already.

Olivia stood, helping Casey back to the car. "Let's go home, ok?" she said, helping her in.

Casey nodded, mumbling something incoherent as she fell asleep almost instantly. Olivia's phone began ringing.

"Benson," she answered.

"Hi Liv. We need you in work," Elliot said.

"For what exactly?"

"We've got kids vanishing every hour all over Queens. Cragen's pulling in all manpower including you. Casey with you?"

"Yes, why?"

"Boss said if you'd prefer to keep an eye on her, you can bring her here."

Olivia nodded. "Ok. Let me just stop by the house to pack a bag for her. We went for a walk in the park."

"Ok. See you soon."

Olivia quickly stopped by the house, packing a couple sets of comfortable clothes for Casey, along with her 'vitamins' and a couple of warm blankets. She threw the bag in the back, heading for the precinct.

Casey woke just before they got there. "Where are we going?" she asked, with a yawn.

"Kids are disappearing all over Queens and I've been recruited in as all man power. I've packed you a bag with warm, comfortable clothes, blankets and vitamins. Cragen said you could stay with us so I could make sure you were ok."

* * *

Casey nodded, taking Olivia's arm as she stepped from the car, walking inside.

Olivia carefully carried the bag and blanket under one arm and helping Casey inside with the other.

When they reached the office, Casey held Olivia's hand tightly, smiling as everyone shouted surprise at Olivia, the room decorated, presents and cake on her desk.

Olivia smiled, still walking carefully to sit Casey in her chair. She turned. "Thanks you guys. This is great."

"You're welcome, though it was Casey's idea," Elliot smiled, hugging her, "Happy birthday."

Olivia hugged him tightly. "Thanks," she said, leading over to a secluded corner of the room. "I know seeing all those meds made you...green, but I need you to try to cool it. She's...self-conscious."

"Sure. I was just shocked at first. How's she doing? She looks tired."

Olivia nodded. "She's still tired, but I think she's getting better. She's...more comfortable around me."

"That's great. She can use the crib if she wants to lie down."

"All right," the brunette said, walking back over to Casey. "Need anything?"

Casey shook her head, standing to kiss Olivia gently. "Just popping to the bathroom."

Olivia nodded again, sitting in her chair.

"You know, it's Christmas in twelve days. Maybe you should pop the question," Elliot whispered in her ear, going to get her a coffee.

Olivia smiled. "What? And spoil it? If I'm going to, why not do it then?"

"She'd say yes any time, you know that," he smiled, "Cake?"

Olivia nodded. "Sure. Hey, uh, don't suppose you could help me out with my gift?"

"What is it?"

Olivia smirked. "You know, the "gift" you suggested?"

"Of course I will. Just let me know what you need me to do," he grinned.

Olivia nodded. "I will," she said, walking over to sit on the corner of her desk with her cake.

Casey smiled as she returned, kissing some chocolate from the corner of Olivia's mouth.

Olivia smiled, sitting the plate on her desk and turning Casey toward her to kiss her softly.

Casey returned the kiss, pulling away a few minutes later with a smile. "I love you, Benson."

* * *

**Reviews: TKR.87**


	6. The Best Present

**ADULT CONTENT!**

Strings

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 6: The Best Present**

It was Christmas Eve and the pair sat in a waiting room at the hospital. Casey had her follow up appointment to see if all the treatment had worked and she held to Olivia's hand tightly. "Liv.."

Olivia sat on the table beside her, hugging her tightly. "It's going to be great, Case. No matter what, I'm here."

"I know, but... I need to do this on my own. I love you, and I trust you, but I just need to hear it on my own."

Olivia nodded. "You want me to leave?"

"Would you mind?"

Olivia shook her head, getting off the table, kissing her cheek before walking out.

Twenty minutes later, the doctor walked out. "You can go in now."

Olivia nodded, walking back in, standing beside her. "So?"

Casey didn't speak, simply pulling Olivia into tight hug.

Olivia hugged her tightly.

"I'm looking forward to Christmas," she whispered.

"You...are? So that means it was good news?"

Casey kissed her deeply. "I love you."

Olivia smiled, kissing back. "I love you too."

"Take me home, beautiful," she whispered, stroking Olivia's cheek gently.

Olivia nodded, leading her out and to the car. "I love you."

"I love you more," Casey said, kissing her again.

The detective drove her home. "Now what are we going to do?" she asked, pulling up to the house.

"Why don't we do whatever you want for a change?"

"Well, how do you feel?" Olivia asked. "There is something I would love to do with you, something we haven't done in a long time."

"I feel good, so we can do whatever."

Olivia smiled. "So, bedroom?"

"How very forward of you, detective."

Olivia stopped the car, got out and opened Casey's door. "Milady?"

Casey laughed, taking Olivia's hand as they went up to her apartment, lips pressed to Olivia's as soon as they went through the front door.

Olivia pressed Casey against the wall by her shoulders, kicking the door closed. Breathlessly, she pulled away. "Can I..." she directed her eyes at Casey's chest. She knew Casey had always been self-conscious.

Casey nodded, watching her closely.

Olivia led her back to her bedroom. Once there, she closed the door, lying Casey on the bed.

Casey bit her lip a little nervously, then leant up to kiss Olivia.

Olivia kissed her passionately, running her hands through her hair, then down her chest, popping the buttons on Casey's blouse, before discarding it.

Casey returned the kiss with equal passion, pulling Olivia's top over her head, moving to suck her neck.

Olivia moaned, rubbing Casey's breasts very gently.

Casey moaned loudly, ridding Olivia of the bottom half of her clothing and her bra,

Olivia smiled, kissing Casey's breasts.

"I love you, Olivia Benson," she smiled down at her, "I'm ready. You don't have to worry."

Olivia smiled, nipping her bottom lip. "Mmm...I want you, I need you with me," she moaned.

"Anything. I'm yours," she moaned.

Olivia kissed Casey's entire abdomen, squeezing her breasts gently, her eyes on Casey's face the whole time.

Casey watched her intently, moaning loudly. This was nothing like Olivia had been before, not that she didn't like it rough, but the softer, more gentle side of Olivia made her body shiver.

Olivia smiled up at her, sucking on Casey's injury gently, never using her teeth, caressing her cheek.

Casey looked down at her, eyes full of love as she whispered, "I need you."

The detective nodded, walking her fingers down, to softly rub the bundle of nerves. "How much?"

"Oh god," Casey whispered breathlessly as her head rolled to the side, "S-so much."

Olivia smiled, inserting three fingers inside.

"Mmm... Olivia..." she moaned, moving against her fingers.

Olivia laid on her side, pulling Casey toward her, kissing her slowly, moaning. "Oh God, I have missed you!"

"I m-missed... you too..." she moaned, her hand grazing Olivia's breasts before finding her clit, stroking lightly.

Olivia smiled, kissing her passionately, moaning. "I love you."

"I love you," the attorney moaned, gently pushing her fingers inside Olivia before moving them quickly.

Olivia kissed her harder, moving her fingers faster. "Casey..."

"Oh, Olivia..." she moaned loudly, "Can't... hold on..."

Olivia nodded. "Me...either," she moaned. "So good..."

"O-Olivia!" she screamed as she came hard against the detective.

Olivia moaned, but it quickly changed in volume. "C-Casey!" she screamed, coming after her, holding her close.

Casey kissed her gently, closing her eyes as she rested against her. "So tired... I love you, Liv "

Olivia smiled, holding her close. "I love you too. Are you feeling ok?"

"I feel amazing, but exhausted at the same time."

Olivia nodded. "Ok, then go ahead and sleep."

Casey gave Olivia a gentle kiss, tangling their legs together so she couldn't move away as she fell asleep.

The detective pulled her closer, kissing her temple and pulling the blankets up around them.

* * *

**Reviews: tummer22 **


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